whattingawhat | 21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

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21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

[There's a very up close shot of Buffy's face. It pulls out to show a punching bag that's been broken off it's chain. The target on the wall has a cluster of throwing knives at the bulls eye. The training dummy is more splinters than training dummy. Someone has been venting rage and pain. She's never killed a human before. She's killed vampires, demons, witches and things she can't name but never anyone entirely human. It's about the advantage she has over people--the whole using her power for good not evil thing.]

I quit.

[And she turns the camera off]

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I'll meet you outside in five minutes then.

I'll be there. [And he'll keep being there as long as you need him. And after you stop needing him too.]

[Buffy is standing outside, arms crossed, jacket pulled up around her ears. She looks like she's on the verge of breaking down. She's killed people, had a fight with Dawn and feels like if she's not slaying, no one really wants her around. However accurate or inaccurate that might be, it's how she feels.]

[And here's a Spike!] You look [miserable] warm. Ready?

[She shrugs] Warmish. [And then a nod] Ready steady rock 'em...something.

[It's a time for vague and made up words alongside made up phrases]

[He follows along well enough when she's making sense and when she's...like this. A century with Dru teaches a man to listen to more than just the words.] This way then.

[She likes that. Of course if she knew she was being compared to Dru she might be less of the liking and more of the glaring. She ducks in close to him, shoulder nudging his side. It's a request for him to put his arm around her, even though she'd never outright ask]

[Not the same. Never the same. He knows just where his arm needs to go though and it wastes no time getting there.]

[They walk like that for a little while before Buffy says anything.] When you got your soul back...was it like this? [With the guilt and the sad and the just wanting to quit so you didn't hurt anyone else ever again.]

Not quite. More screaming and writhing as I recall. Gnashing of teeth. The whole bit. But I had a few more in the queue waiting for me to care.

[Buffy nods, a wry grin twisting her lips] We can't all be over achievers.

I guess not. [Gentle smile.] You wouldn't do what I did.

Apparently if it comes down to me or other people, I'll pick me every time.

I'd make the same choice. [If it was himself or others and if it were her or others]

[She considers that a moment, gnawing on her bottom lip as she does]

Even now? If they were just human?

Hasn't come up yet, but if it were them or me... It wouldn't be them. [He's not 100% confident in this answer, but he says it like he is.]

[Buffy ponders this as they walk. She's quiet a long while turning it over in her head. She's not sure whether she believes Spike. He's changed since he got his soul. Giant duh there and even before with the chip in his head...he was starting to change. Or maybe she just likes to think he was.] I guess so. I'm supposed to be better than that.

Because it says so in the handbook?

Because I've seen what happened when Faith went Darkside. Because the other side doesn't need my help making everything worse.

You're not Faith. You'll never be Faith.

I don't look good as a brunette. [She sighs because she appreciates Spike's faith in her.] I'm pretty sure Faith didn't set out to be Faith either. She probably wanted...her very own trailer, a dog and basic cable once upon a time.

Blonds are better.

She was on a path a bit before you met her. And it's not like it all went so very wrong in the long of it. Girl's got her issues, sure, but who hasn't?

[There wasn't a point in arguing with him. He's got a point and while it makes her feel better about what she did, she's still on the 'not playing their games' kick] How do you get past it? All of it?

I try to think about how pathetic Angel was getting on with it all and just do my best not to be like that.

[Looks at her.]

I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I let it drive me crazy.

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21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

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Action if you want. I know it's old so I won't be offended if you ignore

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