whattingawhat | Chinese Therapy, like retail therapy but with food. [RP for <lj site="livejournal.com" user="stillac

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: NYC Danny's place

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Chinese Therapy, like retail therapy but with food. [RP for <lj site="livejournal.com" user="stillac

After Buffy got off the laptop she got up and pulled a pair of jeans on. She grabbed a black sweater and pulled it over her head. The neckline was elongated and just hovered on the edges of her shoulders. She'd forgone a bra and threw her toothbrush and change of clothes into a small bag. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail, slipped her feet into a pair of fantastic lime green heels. She called the Chinese place on her cellphone as she click clacked down the stairs (elevators were for losers and people less claustophobic than her). The doorman grabbed her cab and she slipped into the backseat as she finished placing the Chinese order. She was worried about Danny mostly because it was the first time she was dealing with badday!Danny and she wasn't sure what the protocol was for that just yet.

The cab let her out at the Chinese place and she told it to go on, she'd walk the rest of the way. She picked up an extra pair of chopsticks when she grabbed the food because she'd left her stakes back at the hotel room. She didn't know how to explain them just yet. She hoofed it over to Danny's place, took the stairs up and then knocked on the door. She waited a minute and then used her key, poking her head inside before she walked all the way inside.

"Boyfriend! Dr. Summers is here with Chinese and Buffy, as ordered."

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"Giles did the typical father thing, told me to be careful, call if I needed him, be happy etc etc. Xander wants to do a background check on you and Willow gushed and told me to spill," Buffy said as she took a sip of her beer. "It's probably all over the school by now that Buffy met a boy. And I don't even want to consider the rumors they've likely come up with."

Danny smirked, but looked sideways. "Background check, huh? Can he do that?" He asked, knowing what they would find.

Buffy shrugged, knowing Willow could hack into it. "They can't because I told them not to. I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions about people. I know you've got some kind of secret. You know I do too. I figure when you're ready you'll tell me. I'm not worried about you hurting me."

"So how about I tell you now just to get it all out there before you make the big move? I just..." He took another bite of the eggroll. "How about it?"

"Spill away, Rocky," Buffy smiled softly at him. She reached over and put one hand to the back of his neck, her fingers moving up into his hair slightly as she rubbed his neck. "I'm all ears, only not because that would be gross looking. Unless my whole body was just receptive to sound like an ear but then everything would probably be entirely too loud and...I just meant I'm like Dr Phil but cuter and better dressed."

She reached over and grabbed an eggroll to nibble while she waited for him to talk, her eyes still on him and still rubbing his neck with one hand.

"You know he ain't even a shrink?" Danny asked, bowing his head for a moment before shaking it and starting to pace. He pushed his hand through his hair and then moved back out to the balcony, leaving the door open as he lit up another cigarette.

After a few drags and pacing the balcony, he started again. "So I'm not always good all the time, you know? I mean I try but there's always this... voice."

He shook his head again. "Okay that sounded crazy. Lemme start over. I'm in the system, right? Cause... my whole family's in the system." He drew another drag of his cigarette.

Buffy, for all her cluelessness and ditzy blondeness, was actually really good at following along when she took the time to pay attention and focus. Or maybe because her thoughts came out so disconnected she was better at following disconnected conversation than most people. In any case she was following along fine. She got up when Danny did, following him out to the balcony but stopping at the door. She leaned against it, watching him pace. She'd learned, unconsciously even, from Angel when someone was willing to talk, not to push, stand back, give them some space and let them take their time. Of course she didn't do the silent thing the way he did but body language wise, she was sort of a mirror image of what he used to do to get her to talk when she was in high school. She was just blocking the door, sending out a subtle message that he couldn't come back in until he'd spilled but her overall body language was relaxed and laid back.

"I heard that. I considered being a fake!shrink for a while too but Giles pooh-poohed that one. Party pooher. And if you're not a saint, I'm really afraid we can't continue this relationship," she said, obviously teasing. She pulled her bottom lip through her teeth, a smile just barely curving up the corners of her mouth.

"Like the manson family? I mean...I'm not sure their whole family is in the system and really, are they a family. Do you have a dark and sordid serial murder past? And voice, not sounding so crazy. I get the voice thing. Except not voices like schizo just voices like angel and devil on your shoulder. My angel should so speak up some more but in my experience, angels are taciturn. Devils are the Chatty Cathy's and I do not want to know what that says about me. Anyway, so you're part of the Manson family..."

She wasn't rambling to interrupt him or to divert him. It was almost like she was channeling his nerves and at the same time, she was hoping the chatter would relax him a little.

He had to cast a quick glance to Buffy just to make sure she was teasing about the not being with him thing. But then he nodded. "Yeah... yeah like the whole 'this is what you could do if you really wanted to' thing. That kinda voices."

He drew in another drag of his cigarette. "Like the FBI watch us close. Cause I didn't grow up in a cop family like most of the cops out there. We're mafia. Like top of the rung, mafia. They. They're mafia. Which means I grew up around a whole lotta money and a whole lotta wrong. And I shouldn't even be here doin' what I'm doin'. Sometimes I just don't fit, you know? My ethics aren't always right but I slip up one time, I know I'm out. I know I am. So I keep doin' it right, you know? Love my family. Just... I just didn't wanna be that. But there's no doubt that it's in my blood."

Buffy listened to Danny carefully, her face impassive. When he finished she moved over behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She pressed a kiss to his spine then laid her cheek against his back.

"We're fallible and human, Danny. We've all got that in our blood. Blood doesn't make us who we are, Baby. How we overcome it makes us who we are. What we do with what we have, makes us who we are. Just because someone says 'this is what you are' doesn't mean you have to listen to them. You're a good guy and because you've overcome that, I think it makes you an amazing guy."

"You know they laughed when I went to apply to the Academy? They laughed. Like who did I think I was, laughed. Told Mac not to hire me. That he'd regret it. And fuck if I ever make him regret it. I just get ahead of the evidence sometimes is all. My emotions go... crazy like I can't keep it all inside like they do." And now he was rambling, standing still with Buffy's arms wrapped around him from behind and smoking his cigarette.

"I'm supposed to go talk to some shrink or talk to them about this shit. Like they ever talk to me. They never do. Just cause I extroverted in how I feel about things and they aren't. The times when I'm quiet about somethin' bad... they think I'm closin' off from them. Fuck that." Danny cursed, drawing another long drag of his cigarette. He had no clue how Buffy was keeping up with his disjointed thoughts, or even if she was.

But he kept going. "I have to try a hundred percent harder than all of them just to keep my damn job. They don't know. They don't know what it's like. And I mean I know that for a fact. They all come from... great families. Cop families and doctors and lawyers... Good... really intelligent people. And I can keep up, I'm not stupid, you know? I got street smarts. Never was in that gang though... just couldn't."

She just let him talk, running her hands lightly up and down his chest and stomach, her cheek still pressed against his back. She was missing some major pieces, like what exactly he was supposed to talk to the shrink about or what had happened that was so bad but really, right now the point wasn't for her to understand any of this. The point was to just let Danny get it out.

She took a deep breath against him, drawing it in and letting it out slowly, inhaling the smell of him and cigarette smoke. "You know I always root for the underdog because he has to fight so much harder and overcome so much more than anyone else. I knew you were my type," she teased him very lightly.

"Your type? You know I wouldn't blame you for walkin' out right now? I'm dangerous, a liability to everyone by association. The FBI are always watchin'... and the brass... just waitin' for me to fuck up." Danny shook his head.

"I'll just keep goin' and get it all out there. You ready? Good." He didn't wait for her approval to continue.

"Got an older brother, Louie. Told you about him. He's in a coma... has been for almost two years. Mob put him there when he was tryin' to protect me... tryin' to help me keep my job. I go see him once a week... sometimes twice when it's a really bad week." Danny's voice grew quieter, softer. "He used to always take care of me, you know? We used to be inseparable before..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Danny. Not unless you tell me to," Buffy told him quietly. She was still pressed against his back, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his breathing. She could hear his soft voice echo in his body and she closed her eyes as his words. Everything inside of her ached for him because she couldn't imagine how that hurt. She couldn't imagine that happening to Dawn. When his words trailed off, she ducked under his arm so that she was standing in front of him. She took the cigarette out of his mouth and leaned up, pressing her mouth to his. She held his cigarette in one hand, her other hand going to tangle up into his hair, instantly making the kiss much deeper. She used a little more of her strength in every motion in an attempt to comfort him and make him feel safe. Strength was safety and comfort and all kinds of good things. She wanted him to know she was strong enough to take this. Physically and emotionally.

The unexpected move was enough to surprise Danny. He let her take his cigarette and kiss him. Her fingers in his hair felt almost too comforting. Finally, his lips parted and he returned the kiss, deep and passionate as one hand lifted to cup her cheek. The other slid to the small of her back to pull her flush against him.

Buffy let go of the cigarette in her hand when he pulled her against him. She arched up further into the kiss and wound her other arm around his waist, slipping her hand up underneath the wife beater he wore. His skin was almost hot against her palm and absently she thought she'd never get tired of that warmth. His heart was banging in his chest and hers tripped along a bit faster in response. She murmured his name against his mouth as she tiptoed a little trying to get impossibly closer.

His mind was racing and it finally landed on the realization that she was still here, kissing him even. "Why're you still here?" He whispered against her lips in between the kiss, not stopping the kiss.

"Because I want to be and I like you," Buffy responded, not quite breaking the kiss but whispering against his lips. She pulled back only slightly, her eyes sparkling with mischief and laughter flirting at the corners of her mouth. "Can I call you Godfather? It's so much sexier than Daddy," she teased.

She sobered in the next instant but kept her hand flat against his back, under his shirt and her other hand tangled in his hair so he literally couldn't go anywhere even if he wanted to. "I don't care what your family is, Danny. I don't care what your blood is. I care about the person you are. I care about the person you work so hard to be.I care that you're all 'redemption boy'. That's all that matters to me."

She dipped her head and pressed a light kiss to his neck then looked back up to him. "Besides, even with your family, you're still the nicest, sweetest guy I've ever dated. And will it bother you if I tell Dawn that next time she takes my cashmere sweater without asking I'm going to have my boyfriend's family off her?" The last was said purely teasing.

He wasn't sure how to take all of that, what to respond to. It was the extreme of serious and the extreme of not. Key was that she still liked him, wanted to date him. "I'm fallin' so hard for you, and quick."

That was Buffy, a study in extremes. However, he sorta took her breath away when he said he was falling for her. She gasped a little and bit her bottom lip, looking up at him, all serious and big eyes, looking much younger than she was. Talking about Mafia and death were situations for humor. Falling in love, definitely no room for humor there. That was serious business.

"Okay...so me too. I mean...maybe. I think and I'm only doing the waffle thing because the last time I fell in love it ended bad. Bad as in the baddest of the bad of the bad. Like I considered nunship bad. Like...bad. And this is where you might want to change your mind because Buffy is so not well adjusted in the whole 'love' thing. God I'm rambling. I know I'm rambling but you have to know this thing and please just stay right here don't pull away from me even though maybe this is not conducive to rambling. Abandonment issues like whoa. I mean even *I* know I have them. that's so not relevant right now. The point is I'm scared. Like can't breathe scared. I'm...indestructible. Not literally but...the point is...I know falling in love can destroy me. I nearly lost me after...the bad and I'm scared. I'm just-I'm falling and I'm scared and I hate being scared. I want to tell myself to grow a spine and suck it up but myself doesn't listen. My self just-I'm not scared of you though. I'm scared of falling in love because of the aforementioned bad last time and logically I know you won't do any of those things to me but-love isn't logical. I thought I had a point and I don't think I do now. I'm sorry. Just...rewind that ramble and pretend I just said I'm falling for you too?"

"Alright. So, you're fallin' for me too." But he was still analyzing that ramble in his head. His fingers splayed at the small of her back, palm open to a closed fist and back again. Back and forth. "So we have... stuff to work on. We can deal with that. I'm pretty loyal when it's reciprocated."

The lack of words made Buffy smile. It was something she was accustomed to. She leaned in and pressed a light kiss to his lips before moving back ever so slightly. "Loyal is good. It's a good quality to have and me to. With the loyalty. We have stuff to work on. Or I do. But usually if something is wrong, I'll tell you. The only time I actually shut up is when I'm really, really hurt. And sometimes I run...when I think something is going to hurt. I run. Just come get me. And now I'm talking too much."

She leaned in and kissed him hard before pulling back again. "Are you okay? I mean with the way this whole conversation has gone? Is going? I'm nervous now so if this is a shutting up time, you can tell me that."

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Chinese Therapy, like retail therapy but with food. [RP for <lj site="livejournal.com" user="stillac

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