whattingawhat | 21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

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21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

[There's a very up close shot of Buffy's face. It pulls out to show a punching bag that's been broken off it's chain. The target on the wall has a cluster of throwing knives at the bulls eye. The training dummy is more splinters than training dummy. Someone has been venting rage and pain. She's never killed a human before. She's killed vampires, demons, witches and things she can't name but never anyone entirely human. It's about the advantage she has over people--the whole using her power for good not evil thing.]

I quit.

[And she turns the camera off]

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[Buffy takes a deep breath, holding it as she lets her fingertips play over the scars scattered across Eliot's skin. She lets her breath out in a whoosh when her chest starts to burn. When her words finally come they're hushed and very heavy. It's possible her words are too quiet to hear. She's used to talking to vampires who will hear her no matter how quietly she whispers]

I killed people. Ordinary people and it's not fair. They couldn't have won. No matter how hard they tried. Stacky odds and all that.

[Well that catches him off guard. Strangely, his moral compass had already allowed him to put that out of his mind. Eliot wasn't one to dwell on things he couldn't change. But he could understand the thought process of someone with a better moral compass than his. He got that this bothered her a lot. His hands continue to run smoothly up and down her back.]

It was a curse, Rocky. Can't exactly be in control of those.

[Buffy shrugs at that. She doesn't do well with the things she can't control.]

It was a curse but I was still me and I should have been able to do something else. Anything else except what I did.

[He knows all about the aversion to a lack of control. Eliot can completely empathize with that. But he also knows that it's not good to let those things that are out of control continue to control him in the decisions he makes.]

Lots of should have's in life, Buffy. You stayed alive, which is more than I can say for myself.

[Cause eventually he had indeed fallen, not without a hell of a fight though.]

You were tossed into an arena with people attacking you just like we all were. What were you gonna do, just take it? That's not you, Buffy. That's not many people. It's instinct to defend yourself.

[Yeah she's trying to deal with the guilt of that too. Or rather she's trying to push it down underneath guilt for the whole killing people guilt]

Defend. Different word from kill.

Maybe sometimes. In my world the go hand-in hand sometimes.

[A lot of the time, actually. And that was a small admission that he was very quick to deflect attention from. A hand at either side of her face, he tilted her head up so he could kiss her again, light and sweet.]

Listen Rocky, shit happens. Don't let the fact that it does control you even more. I know you and you don't lie down and take it.

You're human. It's different.

[And to her, it is different. She returns the kiss though, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, breathing him in]

[Those words didn't settle with him very well. He couldn't help it. Killing was killing. It happened. He didn't always like it when it happened, but it did and that was a fact of life and especially of the line of work he always seemed to end up in. He pulled back a bit to look her in the eyes.]

Seems to me you've got human parts too. And killing is killing. There are always casualties in almost anything.

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21st Slay [Video] Ain't gonna go to work no more.

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