No, it's okay, you're being honest. I just have this screwed up little mind-set that everyone leaves you eventually, and if/when he does? It's gonna hurt so bad, and I'm kicking myself because I let him get that close.

OMG. I so can see it. Like, you knock him down and have your knee in his back and are trying to jam the syringe in his neck, like all "Stop being such a baby, you do this to people all the time!!"