Buffy Summers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whattingawhat) wrote2008-06-24 04:48 pm
whattingawhat) wrote2008-06-24 04:48 pm
Entry tags:
Cause' we all have a darker side [A place we keep where no one else will find]
[Skeletons in the closet]
Honestly, I don’t think I have any skeletons left in my closet. They’ve gone all Lance Bass on me. That’s what happens when you raise an army of teenage girls. It’s like high school gossip on PCP. And I guess some of my skeletons are pretty scandalous. Okay, so I dated a vampire…or two. Can we please remember that I’ve also saved the world a dozen times? Let’s parade that skeleton in front of everyone instead of ones named Angel and Spike. Thanks so much. Or the fact that I can kick ass in a pair of five inch heels. That’s a good skeleton to have. Let’s keep the one where I was staked with my own stake firmly locked up. Or the fact that I let Dracula bite me? Or you know that I tasted his blood and it was gross. Let’s keep those all very in the closet. There are some skeletons I don’t mind talking about. Like I quit…twice…yeah twice and I threatened to quit one other time but the reason I don’t mind talking about it because I got back up which I guess technically makes it not a skeleton. Skeletons are things that no one knows that you lock up tight. My point is sorta that. Everyone knows most everything about me.
[Locked from Dawn, Willow and Danny]
Okay so here’s something no one knows. Sometimes I think maybe Mom’s brain tumor was Dawn’s fault. I don’t know how exactly except that it started showing up when Dawn did. I mean…maybe forcing those memories into Mom’s head caused it or maybe…maybe, I don’t know.
And I think Willow suspects this but I’ve never told her. Sometimes I wish she’d never brought me back. Sometimes I wish I was still dead, still in Heaven and still finished. It’s not all the time, it’s not every day and it’s getting better I think but sometimes I’m still alone and it still hurts. I want to be warm, safe and loved in a way that I don’t think is possible on earth. That sounds bad. I know that sounds so bad but it’s this—in Heaven I know I’m never going to have to go out into the cold again. I’m never going to be in danger again and I’m never, ever going to lose someone I love again. I can’t make those guarantees about this life. In fact, I can almost guarantee those things will happen. No matter how long I fight, there’s always going to be another fight. I’m never done.
[unlocked]
Skeletons suck and I’m through talking about them. Metaphorically anyway and literally they’re kind of ick.
Honestly, I don’t think I have any skeletons left in my closet. They’ve gone all Lance Bass on me. That’s what happens when you raise an army of teenage girls. It’s like high school gossip on PCP. And I guess some of my skeletons are pretty scandalous. Okay, so I dated a vampire…or two. Can we please remember that I’ve also saved the world a dozen times? Let’s parade that skeleton in front of everyone instead of ones named Angel and Spike. Thanks so much. Or the fact that I can kick ass in a pair of five inch heels. That’s a good skeleton to have. Let’s keep the one where I was staked with my own stake firmly locked up. Or the fact that I let Dracula bite me? Or you know that I tasted his blood and it was gross. Let’s keep those all very in the closet. There are some skeletons I don’t mind talking about. Like I quit…twice…yeah twice and I threatened to quit one other time but the reason I don’t mind talking about it because I got back up which I guess technically makes it not a skeleton. Skeletons are things that no one knows that you lock up tight. My point is sorta that. Everyone knows most everything about me.
[Locked from Dawn, Willow and Danny]
Okay so here’s something no one knows. Sometimes I think maybe Mom’s brain tumor was Dawn’s fault. I don’t know how exactly except that it started showing up when Dawn did. I mean…maybe forcing those memories into Mom’s head caused it or maybe…maybe, I don’t know.
And I think Willow suspects this but I’ve never told her. Sometimes I wish she’d never brought me back. Sometimes I wish I was still dead, still in Heaven and still finished. It’s not all the time, it’s not every day and it’s getting better I think but sometimes I’m still alone and it still hurts. I want to be warm, safe and loved in a way that I don’t think is possible on earth. That sounds bad. I know that sounds so bad but it’s this—in Heaven I know I’m never going to have to go out into the cold again. I’m never going to be in danger again and I’m never, ever going to lose someone I love again. I can’t make those guarantees about this life. In fact, I can almost guarantee those things will happen. No matter how long I fight, there’s always going to be another fight. I’m never done.
[unlocked]
Skeletons suck and I’m through talking about them. Metaphorically anyway and literally they’re kind of ick.