whattingawhat | Just Click Your Heels Together Three Times [RP for stillacrime]

Buffy had gotten home early afternoon. The airport had gone as smoothly as airports ever go, she'd found a cab and nearly fallen asleep on the ride back to her apartment. It was empty because Danny was at work but it gave her time to unpack, take a long shower, a nap curled up on the couch and order pizza. She still had a pretty nasty looking bruise on her cheekbone, a long scratch on her collarbone (it had been a gash twenty four hours ago) and her right side was a lovely shade of green and yellow. She was kind of hoping that would heal a little more before Danny saw it so that maybe it could be over looked. She had on a sweatshirt of his that swallowed her but that was it and she'd braided her wet hair into pigtails. There were purple black smudges under her eyes from too little sleep and too many nightmares. Even her nap on the couch had been riddled with them. She was happy to be home and her cheeriness wasn't precisely forced as long as she didn't think about the battle and the things she'd done. It was as close to killing humans as she'd ever come, sans the whole Faith incident. Right now, she was curled on the couch, Mr. Gordo clutched to her chest, her knees sandwiching him there tightly. She had a blanket wrapped around her, Danny's pillow behind her and all in all, it looked like she was a little girl trying to hide or someone desperately trying to feel safe. There was a half finished bowl of Chicken and Stars soup on the chest (weapons) in front of the couch. They'd broken the coffee table before she'd left. Buffy had the television turned onto The Cosby Show and she was waiting for Danny to get home.

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Buffy bit her bottom lip and pulled it through her teeth. "Some of it...I can't tell you. Not right now but other parts of it...just...some of it is just who I am. The fighting and how much I love it. Some of it...my Mom died and I was completely unprepared for it. They told us they got all of the tumor out and she was in remission. Then I walked in and she was dead on the couch. I called 911 and I gave her CPR and I broke her ribs and I had to tell Dawn and it was just me and Dawn. I was losing Dawn and she wasn't making things any easier. She was shoplifting and skipping school and...then...it was alright. It was better than alright. Everything was perfect. I was finished and safe and...then...I got put right back in Hell."

She furrowed her brow and stared down at her hands. She'd started picking at her hands. "That's when the claustrophobia started and the dangerous relationship and...for about a year I was...so lost." She paused, chewing on her bottom lip until she tasted blood. "Sometimes I'm still that lost. Sometimes I'm still in Hell and I feel like I'm fighting to get out and sometimes I miss being finished so much it hurts."

He furrowed his brow as he listened to the world of vague that came out of Buffy's mouth. While he understood that there were some things that were so hard to talk about and he respected her privacy, he couldn't help but wonder what was so bad that she didn't trust him enough to tell him.

He put a hand beneath her chin to lift her gaze to his. "You know you can talk to me... right? I mean... You can. Anytime you feel like that or... or y'know... about anything."

He made everything inside of her ache and if Buffy cried, she'd be crying buckets right now. As it was tears choked her and shone in her eyes for a minute as she worried her bloody bottom lip between her teeth. She wanted to tell him so bad but she wouldn't even know where to start. And she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't believe it. Not until she could offer him hard evidence. It felt like it was right there on the edge of exploding out right now and her entire body shook with it. She almost felt nauseous with it but she just nodded because she didn't trust her voice. If she said anything she was afraid it would all come tumbling out.

And now he was worried. "Hey, what're those for?" His thumbs smoothed just beneath her eyes. He circled his arms around her and pulled her close to him, cradling her against him. "S'alright, Summers. I'm in like with you anyway. Don't gotta say nothin'. Alright? Just be in like with me too."

Maybe she would have handled it better if she hadn't had the kind of past few days she'd had. She might have handled it better if she wasn't sore as it was when Danny cradled her close and told her she didn't have to say anything she curled up into him, as close as she could possibly get. She was trying to make herself as small as possible and hide there where it was safe. For a minute she just sat there with her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat and feeling his chest rise and fall with his breath.

"I am. More than I ever thought I would be again," she said in a very quiet, hoarse voice.

"So's we just sit here and try not to buy the juicer this guy's tryin' to sell." He nuzzled her hair, lips fluttering over the top of her head as he spoke. "Four easy payments of 19.99."

"Well you know it's tempting," Buffy said without looking up at the TV. She still had her eyes closed and was pressed against Danny. "I mean think of all the things we could juice. Oranges, grapefruit..." She took a breath that stopped suddenly because everything inside still hurt and breathing hurt. "I warned you about Velcro Buffy didn't I?"

"You did. And I've never been one for velcro 'til now." Danny tightened his arms around her.

"Well...you know...nothing like a clingy girl to bring it out in you," Buffy tried to quip. It came out a little flat and she sighed. "I'm sorry. I told you I didn't damsel and look at me...damseling. You weren't supposed to have to save me."

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Just Click Your Heels Together Three Times [RP for stillacrime]

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