whattingawhat | We went for something bigger

He's sweet too. He's pretty quiet and he doesn't lick much. He just sits there and looks at you with these big eyes when you pet him. He buries his head in Danny's chest when he's holding him but he's not quite that comfortable with me. I think it's because he knows I'm kind of scared of him.

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Really? Maybe I'm overthinking it then. I mean my first thought was dog=commitment. At least if it's our dog. If it's his dog...well then it's his dog but he was pretty specific that he wanted it to be ours. Am I over thinking it?

Yeah we got the dog and we're home and it's good.

I so can't wait to meet him! He sounds precious! Animals usually like me for some reason? So do kids. It puzzles me.

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I don't know? I mean...no, I totally don't know, I've never been in that situation with a guy before, but I can see where you're coming from. It is kinda like an adopted kid in a way.

I can't wait for you to meet him either! When are you going to be here? Animals are usually very wary of me, as are kids. Probably a very good reason for that. Rocky is cautious but friendly enough toward me.

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I don't know. I'm trying not to over think it and just go with it. I think we're getting close to a point where I'm going to have to tell him or he's going to start asking or something but I'm also getting to a point where I think it might actually be okay?

I have no idea...I didn't think Boy would get to stay as long as he has. I figured, you know, he'd have to work. But he's here, he's taking time just to be with me, and I figured I'd wait until he absolutely had to leave before I booked my flight.

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You think it might be okay?! REALLY?! That's GREAT!

Oh no I don't blame you at all. Stay there as long as he can stay. I'm going to be in NYC for a long time and you can visit me anytime you want.

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Well...I've already pretty much convinced him that I can kick his ass on fighting ability alone and he's super okay with that. I mean...it doesn't make the whole vampires are real situation any easier to explain or the whole 'I sorta saved the world...a dozen times' any easier or...any number of other things that go along with the 'hey I'm a slayer' topic but it gives me some hope that he won't have a problem with me being stronger than him or...everyone else.

It's not like a sure sure thing. It's just a hope that wasn't there. Before, I was certain that when he found out, he'd ask me to leave.

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I think I'm starting to fall for him, Buffy. Seriously fall. I'm scared and I want my abuelita SO BADLY and I don't even know how to handle it.

Well, you could ease him into it? Try not to hit him with too many things at once? Like, 'okay, there's vampires. And I slay them.' Wait til he's digested that before you mention all the...other stuff?

I think--and I don't know because I don't KNOW him, this is just conjecture on my part from the things I've heard about him from you--that maybe you're not giving him enough credit? I think he's pretty crazy about you, Buffy. And by pretty crazy I mean really crazy.

Oh Sweetie! I am so not your grandma but I am here if you need to talk. Falling is scary and...I've only really done it I guess twice now and one is an in progress kind of thing. I don't know what to tell you. I do know that as much as it hurts and scary as it is, I would do it all over again. Both times. And that's knowing about the epic pain that was Angel.

Oh it's definitely an 'in stages' issue. And there are some things about it he just doesn't need to know. Plenty of digesting time for him in between the stages and like I said, some of it, I'm content to let him just not know.

He is and that gives me the whole guilt thing again. Because I think...you know he's falling in love with this normal girl that just doesn't exist. At the same time, I'm still being Buffy, I'm just being careful. The only thing that will change about him knowing is the carefulness and the lying. I hope I'm not giving him enough credit. I'd love for him to surprise me.

It's like I never meant for it to go that far, you know? Especially not this quickly. He just got under my skin and I don't know how but he's there and I don't want him out, not even a little bit.

I don't think you're...I mean, it's not like being a slayer changes who you are. It's just like, "I'm still this, I'm still everything you know me to be, I'm just this too." I'm hoping, very much, that he'll see it that way. And I think once he gets over the initial shock, he'll understand why it took you so long to tell him.

I think that's the way it always goes. At least the good ones. How's he feeling about the whole thing?

I hope he will too. And one of the things I will tell him is that I've got experience with the whole guy leaving because I'm a slayer thing (or one of the reasons). It's not as if I don't have reasons for not telling him. I think he'll understand why it took me so long to tell him too. I hate destroying anyone's 'real world' bubble. It's not like you can ever go back and pretend there aren't monsters.

I don't know, I haven't said anything yet...but we did have a pretty long conversation about how he wants to let me in, and I think that's a big deal. He has some pretty serious trust issues.

I hate that too. Julian didn't really have a 'real world' bubble. I lucked out in that department. I think you have the tougher case with Danny, though. He's Mr. Science Guy, right?

Well it sounds like he's kind of on the same path you are then. With the falling. How long have you known him? Letting in is a big deal. At least in general I think.

Oh yeah. He's a Crime Scene Investigator. His entire life is about finding the evidence and listening to it. And not believing what you see but what evidence tells you. The only thing I have to show him that he can take apart and examine is my blood and that's not even slayer related. That's hey I was dead and now I'm not related. I mean...that's why it looks different. Which if he needs some of my blood to look at, that's fine. Anything that helps him deal. I'm just worried about the dealing.

God, I can't even remember when we really started talking. We did the flirting thing for a while before we went out. That was in March. I honestly think the letting in is an even bigger deal for him. I don't know if he's ever been able to fully trust anyone his whole life.

That might help, actually...and hey, if he wants to take the scientific point of view on things, I fully believe science and the supernatural do not have to be mutually exclusive. If he wants to look for the scientific aspect, totally let him.

Does it give you vampire bats in the pit of your stomach? In a good/bad way? You guys really haven't been dating any longer than Danny and I.

You think? I mean he's pretty stubborn. I'm not sure I could discourage him either way but it's nice to hear someone on this side of things say that.

Have we not? Wow. That's kind of comforting. It's not just me, then, I'm not weird. I had no idea, like, is there a time limit? Should it take longer? I don't do the L-word. At all. The one time I did was bad and I was all "Yeah, never again." So I'm scared big time.

I totally don't see why not. If he wants to, let him look at samples of your blood or vampire blood or whatever and do the science thing. I bet it helps him deal and accept and process.

Nope not just you. The falling fast is like a new thing. Uhm...I don't know. With Angel...we just...it didn't take long and it took forever so...I don't know. And you know how everything with Danny has gone. I get the scared. Love is scary. Most of the time Danny and I don't do I love you. We do I'm in like with you. Because Like, is a lot easier L word. Nothing makes it less scary. Encouraging, I know. My pep talks suck. I do think it's worth the scary though.

HA can you see me now? Beating the crap out of a vamp. "Would you just hold still! I need to get some of your blood for my boyfriend."

The sad thing is, I would.

No, it's okay, you're being honest. I just have this screwed up little mind-set that everyone leaves you eventually, and if/when he does? It's gonna hurt so bad, and I'm kicking myself because I let him get that close.

OMG. I so can see it. Like, you knock him down and have your knee in his back and are trying to jam the syringe in his neck, like all "Stop being such a baby, you do this to people all the time!!"

For a while you will and then with some time...you'll just be grateful for what you did have. At least that's how I was? It got to where it hurt less and less and while I still want to kick his ever loving ass every time I see him, I'm still glad that it happened and that I let him get that close and...yeah.

LMAO Oh God, YES. I'd want to video tape it too. Sometimes I just need a camera crew to follow me around. The Real Adventures of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Gah, GAH, I don't know, I honestly, just, don't know. Stupid boys with their stupid pretty eyes and stupid pretty accents making me all melty puddle of Baileigh goo.

HA! You could make SO MUCH MONEY off of that! Seriously, sell it to the CW as like a 'fictional reality show'? It'd be an instant hit.

Seriously! But being a melty puddle of goo is so nice. I throughly respect the ability to turn me into a melty puddle of goo. Or you know Boy turning you into one. Maybe just go with it? Although at this point, it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. You're in looooooooooooovvvvveeee.

LOL! YES! And let's face it, as much as I love OTH, they're going to have to replace it with something soon. Brooke has slept with the entire town. Everyone has dated everyone's boyfriend and vice versa. There's really not a lot left for them to do. They'll have to do OTH Goes to Vegas or something. Then Brooke can sleep with all of that city.

Noooooo, not in love yet, just falling! Still falling! Way too soon to soon to say ZOMG I LUV HIM ~~but yes, I am so very screwed~~!

Oh, Brooke. I know she's ho mama and yet I can't help but adore her. XD

*grin* okay okay still falling. ~~but in a good way. As long as he doesn't turn out to be an ass and a half. Which if he does, I'm so hunting him down. And it will not be pretty~~

I KNOW! It's her little voice and her dimples and she's just so cute. You have to adore her. It's the whole reason she can get away with being a Ho bag.

Thank you. :D ~~I think you'll have to get in line. The sheer number of people who have been like "IF HE HURTS YOU I KEEL HIM," I swear I'm so shocked he hasn't tucked tail and ran.~~

I KNOW. She so cute! You have to forgive the ho-bag bitchy aspects of her personality because she flashes dimples!

Of course. ~~Oh there wouldn't be killing. Just very bad beating but kudos to him for not running.~~

Exactly!! It makes me wish I had dimples to get out of trouble with. I just have the pout and the blonde hair.

~~Such kudos. He doesn't even flinch, either. He just quirks an eyebrow and says 'Right. Interesting.' or something to that effect.~~

I have the pout and the eyelashes. I can work the eyelash batting if needs be, but everyone I know is immune to it. SO not fair.

~~LOL good for him. I guess it's a good thing that girls don't have to go through the threatening thing usually~~

Giles and Xander are immune to the pout. Danny hasn't gotten to the immune point yet. Although the blonde thing will work on Giles but NOT on Danny. He knows I'm not stupid.

We went for something bigger

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