36th Slay [Video]

[whattingawhat]

[The video flickers on to Buffy in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. She's got her hair pulled up and her hand rests on a punching bag that's still swaying slightly. She doesn't turn to the video when she speaks]

The thing about weaknesses...they keep changing. Or at least some of them get more priority than they used to. Once upon a time, my greatest weakness was Angel. I quit the council over him, still supporting that move by the way. I nearly died to save him--and I guess I'm still support-o girl of that move too. Then Dawnie came along and I realized comparatively, Angel was never a weakness. I told Giles I'd quit if Dawn died. I meant it and not for three months like I did when Angel died. I'd quit for good. Move to some tiny town, buy a tea cozy and put up a fence that wasn't picket.

Then I died and--I came back and...[She pushes the punching bag away, makes a tight circle and wraps her arms around her waist. She dips her head, closing in on herself. Her voice drops in volume and her shoulders curve a bit as if weighted down.]

It changed everything. I'd still die for Dawn. I'd still fight until my very last breath to make sure she gets everything in life she deserves but...[A very significant pause] Giles told me not that long ago that things had changed--I had changed--if it were the tower and Dawn and the world all over again...[Curse or not, she can't and won't finish that sentence]

I'm the Slayer, not the only one anymore but still the and that's my weakness. I can send them all out and watch them get knocked down or save the world. Either way, it's all on me. They're my responsibility. Willow made them but it was my idea. Every girl that dies, every girl that wins, every girl that hates what I've made her is my responsibility.

And sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it.

[She shuts the video off abruptly.]

Comments

[ voice ]

[the-dawnster.livejournal.com]

...technically, you have to be in water to drown.

[What else is she going to say to all of that? She knows how that unfinished sentence would have finished. So if anyone else has any ideas, she's listening. In the meantime, she's sticking with the technicalities of drowning.]

Re: [ voice ]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

[Of course Dawn heard the whole thing. Buffy hates the City...most of the time]

The whole drowning in water thing, worse than it seems.

[ voice ]

[the-dawnster.livejournal.com]

I don't know, it already seems pretty bad what with the whole asphyxia from suffocation thing.

Re: [ voice ]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

Well there's the whole water up your nose thing. It sort of gets left behind with the asphyxia thing.

[ voice ]

[the-dawnster.livejournal.com]

I think it's kind of implied cause -- drowning.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

[...oh, Buffy.]

Hey. You're--I mean. I don't...really know your situation at home [...yes. He does. Entirely.] but I...am...pretty sure that you're not in it alone. Friends are for helping...and...throwing metaphorical life preservers... I'm sorry, that's really lame.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

I've got friends and they do help. They want to help. It's just...more volunteery help and less responsibility of the have to kind and that in turn makes me responsible for them which is...I've been lucky. They're all safe as houses. If you can really count houses as safe.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Course they have to. They're your friends. That automatically makes them responsible for you or else they don't count as friends anymore. You don't have to take everything on yourself, Buffy. [Shit, getting too familiar.] There--I...mean...I...have a friend like you...

[That is not a good save, Rory. At least it's true.]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

it's more of a everything heaped there kind of thing than a taking kind of thing.

[Narrowed eyes and her curiosity is piqued. She hears the not good, true save]

And?

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

And...he's....always trying to keep us out of anything he thinks might be too dangerous for anyone but him, and taking everything onto his own shoulders when he really does need our help. Even if Amy's better at making him take it than I am. I don't know...the point is...it's really that...we're individuals. And we chose to help. And that's nothing to do with making us his responsibility. He's our responsibility. Basically. We'd take everything off him if he'd let us. Or...a third. Each. At the very least...

Sorry.

[1charmingangel.livejournal.com]

[It's shocking how he just can't ignore this after hearing how she died and came back.

He just can't.]

There always seems to be someone to die for.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

[She's not terribly secretive about the whole dying and coming back thing. It's more the 'never mentioning where she was before she came back thing' she tries to keep a reign on. She knows Dawn knows but she'd rather not remind her. Besides it still hurts to say]

No matter how horrible the world gets, it's still the world and people and...worth dying for.

[1charmingangel.livejournal.com]

And the dying and the coming back to learn about that all over again.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

It's bicyclic. You know, like those exercise bikes you ride for miles and never get anywhere.

Buffy Summers, Proud member of the 'Can't stay dead' Club.

[1charmingangel.livejournal.com]

I've never used one. I prefer to actually go places when I run.

Jace Lightwood, Shadowhunter extraordinaire... [And leaving that hanging because only one person knows he's died and come back.]

[ video ]

[commarogue]

Still on that died-twice thing, B? Cut it with the broken record.

[ Because yeah, Faith gets it. And really there's not a damn thing she can say. Buffy's right and it sucks. ]

Re: [ video ]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

Hey, I didn't mention the first time.

[ video ]

[commarogue]

Point. Guess I'm being all preemptive and stuff, then.

Re: [ video ]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

You say preemptive. I say nosy.

[ video ]

[commarogue]

You say nosy I say pity party.

Action

[onceaweiss.livejournal.com]

[Aya comes in and leans against the wall. For a moment, he's quiet before.]

Need a sparring partner for awhile?

Re: Action

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

[Buffy looks up at Aya and shrugs]

Sure. I could hit something that hits back. If you're good with it.

Re: Action

[onceaweiss.livejournal.com]

I can take it.

[Which really isn't bravado talking. He really can take it. So he pushes away from the wall to head over to her.]

Re: Action

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

[She meets him half way, standing in a loose offensive stance before she nods and takes a swing. She's telegraphing and pulling her punch, testing whether he really can take it. Hurting Dawn's boyfriend, not to mention someone she considers a friend, not on her agenda for today.]

Re: Action

[onceaweiss.livejournal.com]

[There are advantages to being someone who wields a katana. He's naturally flexible so he bends back to get out of the way. Hand-to-hand might not be his forte but he's still good at it. Besides that, sparring with Faith has prepared him for how to handle this.

Moving forward quickly, he takes a swing himself.]