36th Slay [Video]

[whattingawhat]

[The video flickers on to Buffy in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. She's got her hair pulled up and her hand rests on a punching bag that's still swaying slightly. She doesn't turn to the video when she speaks]

The thing about weaknesses...they keep changing. Or at least some of them get more priority than they used to. Once upon a time, my greatest weakness was Angel. I quit the council over him, still supporting that move by the way. I nearly died to save him--and I guess I'm still support-o girl of that move too. Then Dawnie came along and I realized comparatively, Angel was never a weakness. I told Giles I'd quit if Dawn died. I meant it and not for three months like I did when Angel died. I'd quit for good. Move to some tiny town, buy a tea cozy and put up a fence that wasn't picket.

Then I died and--I came back and...[She pushes the punching bag away, makes a tight circle and wraps her arms around her waist. She dips her head, closing in on herself. Her voice drops in volume and her shoulders curve a bit as if weighted down.]

It changed everything. I'd still die for Dawn. I'd still fight until my very last breath to make sure she gets everything in life she deserves but...[A very significant pause] Giles told me not that long ago that things had changed--I had changed--if it were the tower and Dawn and the world all over again...[Curse or not, she can't and won't finish that sentence]

I'm the Slayer, not the only one anymore but still the and that's my weakness. I can send them all out and watch them get knocked down or save the world. Either way, it's all on me. They're my responsibility. Willow made them but it was my idea. Every girl that dies, every girl that wins, every girl that hates what I've made her is my responsibility.

And sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it.

[She shuts the video off abruptly.]

Comments

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

And...he's....always trying to keep us out of anything he thinks might be too dangerous for anyone but him, and taking everything onto his own shoulders when he really does need our help. Even if Amy's better at making him take it than I am. I don't know...the point is...it's really that...we're individuals. And we chose to help. And that's nothing to do with making us his responsibility. He's our responsibility. Basically. We'd take everything off him if he'd let us. Or...a third. Each. At the very least...

Sorry.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

Everybody has a job. There's the guy who researches and the girl who hands out mochas and hugs and the guy that makes the jokes and the sister that is hope. Then there's me...and your friend. And it's sort of what we do. It's our job. Things fall apart when the guy stops researching or the girl goes veiny and stops being support-o gal or the...you get the point.

No apology necessary.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

I... Yeah. I get the point. Sorry. I mean---aaah. No, have to stop, or I'll get stuck in a loop of apologising for apologies. It's not... No, no, never mind.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I get it.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Thanks. [And then an awkward pause where he would say "Sorry" but he is stopping himself from saying it.]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

So only child. Married right? I think you mentioned a wife. You seem young for that. Not that there's an age limit.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Her name's Amy Pond but I...don't think you've met her. [Pause.] I'm 21.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

Oh. That's...very British? Also young but not like Dawn with the eighteen and the cursed.

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Which...part is British? Her name, or getting married at 21?

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

I...don't know? I was just--confused. [That's not the right word but she doesn't think she should give Rory a lecture about getting married young. Her issues, not his.]

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

If it helps, I have it from a reputable source that we're very probably still married in 10 years. Unless all the timelines shift. [Also, he is in noooo way too young to get married but he is not bringing that up, or even thinking about it, yay!]

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

[That makes her smile a little.] It does help. Not that it's any of my business but it's nice. That it works out sometimes. [Poor guy. He's got a point, not that Buffy realizes it.]

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Yeaaah. Yeah, it does. Trust me, I am almost as surprised as you.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

So it's not necessarily a 'you just know forever and always' thing?

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Well, um...on...the one side of it, I'm pretty sure I did. Since I first met her.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

She didn't? Or you don't know if she did?

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Amy's...very unpredictable.

[whattingawhat.livejournal.com]

So that's a you don't know?

[waitsforever.livejournal.com]

Yeaaahh, it is. Sort of. Yes.