36th Slay [Video]

[The video flickers on to Buffy in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. She's got her hair pulled up and her hand rests on a punching bag that's still swaying slightly. She doesn't turn to the video when she speaks]

The thing about weaknesses...they keep changing. Or at least some of them get more priority than they used to. Once upon a time, my greatest weakness was Angel. I quit the council over him, still supporting that move by the way. I nearly died to save him--and I guess I'm still support-o girl of that move too. Then Dawnie came along and I realized comparatively, Angel was never a weakness. I told Giles I'd quit if Dawn died. I meant it and not for three months like I did when Angel died. I'd quit for good. Move to some tiny town, buy a tea cozy and put up a fence that wasn't picket.

Then I died and--I came back and...[She pushes the punching bag away, makes a tight circle and wraps her arms around her waist. She dips her head, closing in on herself. Her voice drops in volume and her shoulders curve a bit as if weighted down.]

It changed everything. I'd still die for Dawn. I'd still fight until my very last breath to make sure she gets everything in life she deserves but...[A very significant pause] Giles told me not that long ago that things had changed--I had changed--if it were the tower and Dawn and the world all over again...[Curse or not, she can't and won't finish that sentence]

I'm the Slayer, not the only one anymore but still the and that's my weakness. I can send them all out and watch them get knocked down or save the world. Either way, it's all on me. They're my responsibility. Willow made them but it was my idea. Every girl that dies, every girl that wins, every girl that hates what I've made her is my responsibility.

And sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it.

[She shuts the video off abruptly.]