I'm leading someone else's life [I've cut a star down with my knife]

13 moments in your life when you wished you were someone else.

1. That day on the steps in front of the school.

2. That night in the bathroom with Spike.

3. The day I watched Celia die in the hospital room.

4. The time I spent in the mental institution.

[locked from Danny]
5. When I heard Angel and Giles talking about the prophecy. The one that said I was going to die. I wanted so bad to be any other girl.

6. When I found out the Master was back. The guy who had killed me was back for more. I’d had nightmares about it. Now I know they were probably prophecy but at the time I thought it was just…nightmares.

[unlocked]
7. When Ford died and I couldn’t do anything about it. I have a thing about being helpless. I hate it.

8. My seventeenth birthday and the months after that.

9. [locked from Danny]After I sent Angel to Hell. I literally spent three months in LA being someone else.[unlocked]

10. The whole thing with Angel and Faith. I knew it was just an act but it hurt so much watching it.

11. My twentieth birthday. Dawn walked in with her wrists sliced and blood dripping and I don’t panic easy. In fact I’m not really prone to it at all. Seeing Dawn like that took all the breath I had in me out.

12. The day I walked into the living room and found Mom on the couch.

13. The day I got back [LFD]ripped out of heaven[unlocked] Mom was still gone and everything was still awful and it hurt like I’d swallowed glass. I just wanted to go back or at the very least lead someone’s life that didn’t hurt so much.

Show me the love

I think it is just about time for another healthy dose of love. If I have told you before, I will tell you something new. If I have not? I WILL!

Reply to this post with anything you'd like and I'll tell you why I friended you and two things I love about how you play your muse. The only catch? You have to repost this as well.

I know I had a crappy day yesterday and could use the love/distraction/etc. I figured I might as well spread it around.

Dawn's grandkids are going to be paying off my Am Ex bill

But they're gorgeous and they will look equally as gorgeous on my feet and on my coffee table. Because like I'm going to hide those babies in the closet.

When you walk in a bar and your dressed like a rockstar [Rockin' your F me pumps]

[Temperance]

Despite the little (okay LOUD) voice in Buffy’s head, she knows she didn’t need them. They’re so pretty though and she wants them. They’ll look equally amazing on her feet and her coffee table because they are the kind of heels, that much like Baby, you just don’t put in a corner. They are the sort of thing (if you’re Buffy Summers Or Patrick Swayze) you set out on the coffee table as the bonafied works of art they clearly are.

One of these days, she’s pretty sure her American Express card is going to scream in protest and she knows Dawn’s grandkids are going to be paying the bill because martial arts teacher s do not make enough to bank roll seven hundred dollar shoes. In fact, she wouldn’t even have the American Express card if it weren’t for Willow but apparently the red headed witch/hacker extraordinaire decided that a girl saves the world a few times and American Express owes her a black card in return. So Buffy has a black card, an amazing shoe collection and a minimum payment that rivals rent in some cities. Temperance isn’t something she practices at least not where shoes are concerned.

I'm not crazy [I know right now you can't tell]

["This is the kind of thing you need to take seriously."]

This is set between the movie and the series. It is mentioned in s6 in an episode called Normal Again that Buffy spent a couple of weeks in a mental institution right after burning down her high school gym. How bad it was or what happened is left up to the viewer. This is a little more violent than I thought it would be but then Buffy never has done anything peacefully. All quotes are from the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer which I pick and choose from to add to My Buffy's canon

thump

Thump

Thump

Her head hits the wall in a rhythmic pattern. It follows the beat of her heart and the way her fingers pick at the sleeve of her gown. She’s medicated but not enough to make to knock her out, just enough that she doesn’t care.

I've searched the entire world for
you, Buffy.

The doctor she’s dubbed ‘Fake Smile’ comes into her room and crouches on the floor in front of her. “Wouldn’t you like to move to the bed? It’s much more comfortable.”

She stops thumping her head against the wall, her fingers stop picking and she glares at him. He actually flinches a little under the weight of that glare.

“Last time I sat on the bed you tied me up then you got mad when I broke your restraints and hit the orderly.”

“You broke his nose, Buffy.”

“He was trying to stick a needle in me.”

Fake Smile sighs, the toothpaste ad grin slipping as he sits down on the floor in front of her. “How do you feel today, Buffy?”

She sighs and rolls her eyes toward the ceiling. “Can you just not?”

“Not what?” he asks, appearing to be truly confused by her request. She thinks he can’t be this deeply stupid. He has a degree in something. Several probably.

“Repeat my name. Over and over. I’m not a dog, it’s not soothing and it makes me want to strangle you.”

“Buffy, you can’t make threats like that,” the doctor warns her as he scribbles something in her chart.

“It’s not a threat and-“ she trails off and looks to the other side of the room, tears forming in her eyes. “Just let me out of here. I want to see my Mom and I want to see my friends.”

“You burned down a high school gym. There were bodies in there. Bodies of your friends.”

“I didn’t kill them,” she says, her voice falling to a whisper.

“We know that, Buffy. That’s not why you’re here.”

“The gym was-it was an accident.” She swallows hard, choking back tears because she won’t cry for Fake Smile. He might consider it a break through or a confession and decide she needs more medication.

“I believe you, Buffy. You’re not here because of what you did. You’re here because your parents are concerned about your mental state.”

I don't want to be the chosen one, okay? I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires! I just want to graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Charlie Sheen and die. It may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And then you come along... and... and then I'm a member of the hairy mole club, so you throw things at me!

“You believe me about the gym and that I didn’t kill my friends but you don’t believe that the gym was full of vampires.” Her voice is trembling a little now and the tears are back in her eyes.

“Vampires don’t exist, Buffy. They’re figments of our imaginations perpetrated by movies, TV and books.”

“I watched Merrick DIE because he didn’t want to-“ She stops, biting her tongue and shakes her head. “They’re real and I’m the slayer. Chalk your broken restraints up to age and wear and mice if you want but tie me up again and I will break them again. Stick a needle in me and I’ll do more than break your nose. I’m stronger than you, faster than you and if I wanted out of here-“

“I just want you to be healthy, Buffy. Your parents want you to be healthy.”

She can’t help the explosion of anger that rises up in her and spills out. “NO! YOU want me to be normal. You want me to skirt around certain subjects the way my Mom skirts around the fact that my dad is cheating on her. THEY want me to be the girl I was before, the girl that doesn’t cause problems, doesn’t break curfew and is so self absorbed it makes me want to throw up.” She didn’t mean to hit him. She didn’t mean to hurt him but her hands are flying out and thank God she just caught him with the heel of her hand, barely brushing his chin but even that was hard enough to knock him down.

“OH God.” The words tumble out of her mouth as the tears fall over her lashes. The doctor calls for security and this time they brought back up. She fights because she doesn’t want to be tied up, she doesn’t want to be vulnerable and she doesn’t want them to stick her with a needle, sending her down into a darkness that she can’t fight her way out of.
Before it’s all said and done, her elbow breaks a nose, her foot some toes and the overall struggle, someone’s ribs but the needle slides into her skin, they hold her tight as she struggles, already medicated and losing the battle to the sedative in the syringe. She finally goes limp and the hustle her into a straight jacket, buckles pulled tight.


It only takes her a week to realize if she’ll just lie, if she’ll just stop talking about vampires, they won’t tie her up, they won’t stick her with needles and they won’t put her in a straight jacket. She has a feeling that lying is going to become very easy one of these days.

Go to school tomorrow. Try to act normal. Don't let anyone know what's happening. This is important. When the vampires find out who you are... you won't be hunting them anymore.